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What the Turkey Is Getting Pardoned For

Indecent publicity of that bizarre pink head-and-neck factor.

Fraudulently claiming that it’s the turkey depicted on Wild Turkey bottles.

Obscene pecking.

Hanging a feather right into a pumpkin pie and serving it to unsuspecting pie fans who don’t like consuming feathers.

Stealing a automotive and looking to force it however shedding keep watch over as it’s onerous to force with wings and crashing into a big cornucopia, inflicting many bizarre culmination and squashes to fall out.

Threatening violence towards those that have no idea the right kind names for the other portions of its bizarre head-and-neck factor.

Having its bizarre head-and neck-thing come with portions known as “caruncle,” “snood,” “wattle,” “primary caruncle,” and “beard.”

Filling up my neighbor’s pool with stuffing.

Filling up my neighbor with stuffing.

Fraudulently claiming that it got here up with the Wild Turkey slogan “Give ’em the chook.”

Dealing tryptophan.

Falsely imprisoning chickens for being smaller than it.

Falsely imprisoning children for being smaller than it.

Falsely imprisoning ostriches for being larger than it.

Taking enlargement hormones and unfairly profitable a turkey bodybuilding contest.

Operating a multilevel-marketing scheme promoting merchandise to enhance spurs.

Going into the straw, like within the track, after which the usage of the straw to dedicate arson.

Cyberbullying mashed potatoes for no longer being sentient.

Gobbling underneath the affect.

Conspiracy to make all eyes on the planet beady.

Giving U.S. govt secrets and techniques to the federal government of Turkey.

Promoting Butterballistic missiles to enemies of the state.

Turduckenfucken. ♦

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