Rejected Lady Scout Cookies | The New Yorker

Meet the cookies that didn’t make the reduce.

Even-Thinner Mints

So skinny that they’re principally the Eucharist.

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Nonetheless peanut butter and chocolate, however extremely bitter.


Fudge biscuits stamped with inspiring messages for younger girls, akin to “All of us hate it right here” and “It’s a must to determine if you would like a baby by thirty-five.”


Crafted to copy the burnt taste of the snickerdoodle ready by your teen-age babysitter, Kelly, who forgot that there was one thing within the oven as a result of she was texting her boyfriend, Mark, who has a preferred YouTube channel dedicated to skateboarding methods.

Pumpkin deLites

Really named after the world-famous collector of Charles Manson memorabilia, Invoice deLite.


A cookie that channels all your adolescent rage. It jumps just like the Kool-Help Man into your mouth and will get caught in your palate expander.

Bump ’n’ Grinds

Like Do-si-dos, however sexier. Kelly and Mark eat these on a regular basis.

Jumbo Samoas

Precisely like everybody’s favourite cookie, besides outsized. Like, scary massive. Serves one.


A microaggression sandwiched between two shallow compliments.

Smooth Yellows

Fluffy sugar cookies with a lemon-curd middle. Impressed by the point you moist the mattress at a sleepover and had been too embarrassed to say something about it, so that you simply lay in all of it night time. (Kelly by no means does this.)


Is available in a combo pack with Santa-is-Dads and Leprechauns-are-real-but-will-ruin-your-lifes.

Li’l Missys

In memoriam of your former finest buddy, Missy, who isn’t useless however who not too long ago stop the Lady Scouts to hitch Becca’s dad’s indoor-soccer workforce.

The Thinnest Potential Mints

As skinny as Kelly!


Baked within the iconic form of a troop chief’s minivan, which someway all the time smells like soup.

Double Stuf Trefoils

Nonetheless kinda boring, although.

Shoulder Faucets

Spice cookies with rum flavoring. Since you’re not a fucking Brownie anymore.

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