Meet the cookies that didn’t make the reduce.
Even-Thinner Mints
So skinny that they’re principally the Eucharist.
Tagalong . . . ifyouwants
Nonetheless peanut butter and chocolate, however extremely bitter.
TruthCrisps
Fudge biscuits stamped with inspiring messages for younger girls, akin to “All of us hate it right here” and “It’s a must to determine if you would like a baby by thirty-five.”
Whoop-si-daisies
Crafted to copy the burnt taste of the snickerdoodle ready by your teen-age babysitter, Kelly, who forgot that there was one thing within the oven as a result of she was texting her boyfriend, Mark, who has a preferred YouTube channel dedicated to skateboarding methods.
Pumpkin deLites
Really named after the world-famous collector of Charles Manson memorabilia, Invoice deLite.
Puber-teenees
A cookie that channels all your adolescent rage. It jumps just like the Kool-Help Man into your mouth and will get caught in your palate expander.
Bump ’n’ Grinds
Like Do-si-dos, however sexier. Kelly and Mark eat these on a regular basis.
Jumbo Samoas
Precisely like everybody’s favourite cookie, besides outsized. Like, scary massive. Serves one.
Girlboss-ios
A microaggression sandwiched between two shallow compliments.
Smooth Yellows
Fluffy sugar cookies with a lemon-curd middle. Impressed by the point you moist the mattress at a sleepover and had been too embarrassed to say something about it, so that you simply lay in all of it night time. (Kelly by no means does this.)
Your-mom’s-the-tooth-fairys
Is available in a combo pack with Santa-is-Dads and Leprechauns-are-real-but-will-ruin-your-lifes.
Li’l Missys
In memoriam of your former finest buddy, Missy, who isn’t useless however who not too long ago stop the Lady Scouts to hitch Becca’s dad’s indoor-soccer workforce.
The Thinnest Potential Mints
As skinny as Kelly!
Buckle-ups
Baked within the iconic form of a troop chief’s minivan, which someway all the time smells like soup.
Double Stuf Trefoils
Nonetheless kinda boring, although.
Shoulder Faucets
Spice cookies with rum flavoring. Since you’re not a fucking Brownie anymore.
